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I'm an adopted child (US) who is now the mother of two adoptive children—both of whom are from Kazakhstan. This is a summary of our experience of the trip, the adoption process and some of the emotions we faced.
The trip was long, yet in hindsight, it all came together and has just been the most wonderful experience of my life—however, when I was in the process—I only felt fear, uncertainty and LOTS and LOTS of questions no one knew the answers to.
I approached FTIA because they coordinate Russian adoptions and because several social workers I spoke with recommended them as a reputable group. I spoke with the Russian coordinator at the time, Sue Hull, and we hit an instant rapport. So, the decision to use FTIA was not difficult and was the easiest decision of the whole international adoption process.
I didn't intend to adopt from Kazakhstan. I wanted two Caucasian children (boy and girl both under the age of 2) and since I was a single parent, Russia was one of the few options I had. I began my paperwork (preparation of two original Russian dossier packets) in January of 1999 and had it all assembled and apostilled by the first week of April 1999. During this paperwork process, I realized I didn't care what sex my children were, or if they were blood relatives—however, I did still want the age limit. I communicated this to FTIA and after the completed dossier was sent to them, we began the process of finding "my children".
My dossier was translated into Russian in the month of June (FTIA handles that part) and I received my first child referral (which I declined) from Russia in July. In late October 1999, I had received a total of nine Russian referrals (all beautiful boys) and due to suspected medical issues (fetal alcohol syndrome and/or cerebral palsy), I declined each one. I was no closer to being a parent in October, than I was in January. I was frustrated, broken hearted at "rejecting" such cute kids and worried that I wasn't up to international adoption since I thought I would probably have a child with serious medical issues.
Then the last week of October, Sue (FTIA) called saying she had received a videotape that contained four children from Kazakhstan. I said, "Where's that?" and she said "It's a former Soviet province" and I said, "Oh, OK". I had no clue about Kazakhstan, other than these Kazakh kids were in the Russian registry as eligible for adoption. I figured why not? What have I got to lose at this point in the process?
One child was Caucasian, the others were mixed race—Kazakh (Asian) and Caucasian. Medical evaluation of all of them indicated three to be of "average" risk—in other words, no apparent disorders or conditions. The fourth child, a boy, was suspected of having fetal alcohol syndrome.
In watching this tape the 11-month old little girl Osksana, caught my eye immediately. At 11 months, she couldn't sit up, yet she displayed a fierce temper and a wonderful smile. I knew even prior to the medical evaluation, that she was to be "my baby". On the tape, there was another little girl Svetlana, about 2½ years old, whose individual video I watched probably 20 times—I just wasn't sure—she didn't fit any of my preconceived criteria, but as I continued to watch her, I felt that she was "it". I then called FTIA to put the little girls on "hold".
The US Embassy in Russia was going to close on the 20th of December, and I had to make the choice of traveling to adopt the girls in 1999 or waiting 3-4 months and adopting them in February-March of 2000. I chose to adopt in 1999 and with the daily help of FTIA, the paperwork and activities really started moving quickly. In a weeks time FTIA had my Russian dossier translated to Kazakh, and expedited the Kazakh visas needed.
The very day I put my girls on "hold"—I had 2 hours to submit names to begin the adoption paperwork. Because of all the boys I had evaluated, I had picked out 2 boys' names, so I needed to start from square one with girls' names. I chose family names of people who are and were precious to me—Svetlana would become Elena Rose (Elena is Russian for Helen) and Osksana would become Adele Maria.
The next day after placing the girls on hold, I made plane and hotel reservations (FTIA assisted with choices), and arrangements to go "on leave" from work.
On Thanksgiving, just one week after placing a hold on Svetlana and Osksana I boarded a Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt which then connected to Almaty, Kazakhstan.
What did I feel on such a big day? Dread, fear and some anticipation and no idea of what I would find or see there. In fact, it was only a day or so ahead of time that I looked to see exactly where Kazakhstan was on the map. I really got scared when a co-worker suggested that tunneling through the earth would be shorter than flying—Almaty is literally directly opposite Indianapolis on a globe. What was I doing?
Once at the airport, I met Elena and Natasha, a mother-daughter team who were my Kazakh "caretakers" and who worked the politics of the adoption process and translated language and documents. They were very excited to see me although after 23 hours on a plane I was numb and tired. They told me that in six hours I would be going to the orphanage and seeing Svetlana and Osksana—and I still didn't feel any emotions...nor once at the hotel did I sleep. I did learn that another American couple was there adopting a son—and were at the same hotel.
The next day, Elena and Natasha drove me to the orphanage to make the first of the 28 one-hour visits required by Kazakh law. I was admitted to the orphanage, and taken to a large room that also served as a music room for the children.
There, after 15 minutes or so, almost 3 year old Svetlana walked in...very tiny with alert almond shaped eyes and a shaved head. I knew from her strut that I had met my match in attitude—and that moment was the first time I actually felt something. Joy maybe, relief, or disbelief—I don't know. She looked like a China doll, short and thin—her eyes were curious, and distant. She ambled over to me and said "mama". I hugged her and she ambled back to her caretaker. Over the next 2 weeks I tried to win her over with toys, food and books. From the first visit, I called her Elena—her adoptive name. She seemed quite pleased with her new name and informed the caretakers in both Kazakh and Russian that her name was now Elena, and that she had a Mama.
I met Osksana about 15 minutes later—I was handed a 15-month-old baby with black eyes, a small smile who could sit but only very wobbly. She had no initiative to crawl or move around. When I tried to hand her things, she didn't grab for them—rather she regarded me with a very distant stare. At first I could hardly hold her as she smelled of the stench of old vomit. Once I got used to the smell, I found her to be very little trouble to have around. She made no sounds at all—watching me and the person who was to be her sister silently. I started to call her Adele and slowly over the course of our 28 visits, she started to crawl somewhat and become more animated in her eyes. I was very concerned about her health, as she made no sound at all in the 2 weeks in the orphanage.
The orphanage was old, but clean and decorated sparsely in a way that accommodated children. From what I observed, the children were given everything that the orphanage had in terms of resources—however due to the poverty of the government, the orphanage didn't have much to give. The government gives each orphanage 3 cents per day to feed, clothe and house each child. Reality is that this money translates into three meals a day of about a half a cup of gruel or broth with a small piece of bread and 2-3 small animal cookies each afternoon as a snack. Elena, at 33 months weighed just under 20 lbs., Adele, at 15 months weighed about 15 lbs.; I know my daughters were not abused however, they were underfed as were all the children. Some were walking skeletons, some were better proportioned but tiny as my girls were.
I wasn't emotionally prepared to see all the children in my children's groups. Elena's group of 3-4 year olds regarded me at first as a curious thing and called me Mama. After being at the orphanage twice daily for 2 weeks, the children desperately sought to be recognized, to get a little attention. They huddled around me wanting me to touch their cheeks, stroke their hair and greet them. The most heart breaking moment during my whole trip, was when a little boy asked me if I could find him a Mama. Another beautiful 3-year-old girl Arianna asked why I didn't pick her. How do you answer questions like that?
When I left Kazakhstan I was and still am haunted by the fact I left hundreds of Mama-less children in that orphanage. I still cry and wonder about them often.
The orphanage workers were underpaid—even by Kazakh standards (US$17 per month) but very caring of the children. They often brought things from their own homes to share with the children. Most of these women gave the children as much gentleness and respect they could.
The director of the orphanage upgraded conditions in the orphanage about 10 years ago and made it a much better, more human place than previously. She was very curious as to why I wanted to adopt at my age (39 at the time). I told her that I have always loved children and only just now found that my children had been born on the other side of the world. So I was there to get them. In a very formal meeting with a translator, she gave me all the information she knew of the parents—which wasn't much since both girls were abandoned. She also told me that they were two of the brightest children in the orphanage. I smiled—thanked her for her care of the girls, and that was it. I passed. We did have a conversation as to their names, Kazakhs feel the spirit of a name will influence the child's future. I mentioned that I had named the girls after women who were incredibly significant in my life and had taught me to love. After that meeting, I never saw her again—but remember her as a good woman who wanted these kids to find homes—as long as they were good homes.
The court process was not difficult in any way—just very slow. Kazakh law requires that I had to visit my children 2 times a day (1 hour each time) for 14 days and I had to pass the written approval of the orphanage director. The first court appearance (14 days after we arrived) was about 30 minutes in length. Through a translator, the judge asked me questions, listens to the prosecutor who questions you, and the defense person who counters whatever the prosecutor says. I felt as if I was in a game. Some of the questions I was asked were:
The second court visit lasted about 10 minutes and the judge signed a paper and Elena, Natasha, the orphanage director, my translator congratulated me with kisses and hugs.
Legally, I was a parent with two daughters who had no idea what was going on. The only emotion I felt was that I wanted to take my girls and go home to the US.
We went back to the hotel, picked up some clothes for the girls and went to the orphanage. I dressed the girls and an elderly Kazakh woman cried with joy. She charged me with being a good mother and told me to nurture the spirit of the Kazakh souls that I now was entrusted with. I cried with relief, wonderment over my two daughters and worry about being a mom.
Due to paperwork processing and preparation, we had to stay in Kazakhstan for another week and I cared for the girls in my hotel room. It was difficult as running water, heat and electricity were intermittent. Hot water was virtually non existent.
The next few days I played in the hotel room with the girls. We all began to get used to each other and began to establish a bond. Adele learned to pull herself up and look in the mirror, tried to crawl and for the first time, began making noises and imitating sounds I made. Elena however, was terrified at being away from the orphanage and screamed and begged for food whenever she saw it. She was only friendly to me in spurts and slowly came to regard me with interest rather than as a means of survival. A friend of mine from the US flew to Kazakhstan to help me care for the girls on the return trip to the US. Her presence seemed to help Elena adjust rather than having to deal with only me.
One week after gaining custody of the girls and filling out papers we all boarded a plane to Moscow (5 hour flight) and were taken to the US Embassy to file the I-600 and other forms. I remember the process being so easy—an agency representative met us at the airport, helped fill out our final documents and took us off to our hotel.
The next day we were are expedited through immigration and less than 24 hours later we were finally on a flight to the US. We took a direct flight to the U.S., as we then didn't have to deal with any issues of Kazakh visas needed for country stopovers.
Elena at 3½ has grown 6 inches and gained 15 lbs. She finally made the US growth charts—we had a party that day. She is fair skinned and has medium brown hair that is full of body and waves. She has evolved into a loving, laughing little girl with a sense of humor and adventure. She loves kids gymnastics, swimming and playing with other kids. She loves me dearly, as I love her with all my being. She loves to talk and tell me about her day at the sitters or at preschool. English has replaced her native Russian and Kazakh and although we've tried Russian language pre-school, she has no interest in retaining Russian. She loves preschool, and life. She's a survivor. She's my daughter.
Adele at 2 runs everywhere, somehow she missed the walking stage. She also has gained 6 inches, and 10 lbs. She is olive skinned, copperish curly, wild hair, which matches her dynamic personality and smile. She adores and torments her sister, mimics both Elena and I and is a natural comic. She loves gym and playing baby. Mostly she lives to laugh. She loves our family and shows affection constantly. She talks constantly, using sentences since she was 18 months old.
Both girls are healthy with no developmental delays. Thank God. Through blood work we found they have had all the immunizations that their records at the orphanage indicated.
As for me, I'm more relaxed at being a mom now and look back on the whole adoption process and trip as sort of a dream. I don't know why my daughters were born on the other side of the world, but I am glad I found them. Perhaps, they found me. It doesn't matter.
My family is whole.
Lisa, Elena & Adele's Mom
