China
Guatemala
Russia
Vietnam
Brazil
India
Ethiopia
"Mom I gave up on that baby sister didn't you?" my son Marty asked me sadly one day. He posed the question to me that I was avoiding and wasn't able to answer. My husband and I had two great sons, 11 year old Matt and 7 year old Marty, but we had always hoped for a houseful. We are Roman Catholics and wanted to live the Catholic lifestyle, large family and all. To top it off my husband is a school teacher. He's especially fond of children in large groups. I knew that in my heart and in my husband's heart we were longing for more but I had no idea that it bothered my sons so much. Both of them brought it up from time to time, but the hopeless tone in Marty's voice prompted me to act. I had a talk with my husband, Clyde, about pursuing an international adoption. He was all for it; he was wondering why we were waiting so long.
It was obvious that we weren't going to conceive again; and actually it was a strange miracle in both cases with our sons that we did. Being a DES daughter I had surgery prior to having each of my boys and had lost a baby to ectopic pregnancy in between them. After becoming disillusioned with our county's foster-to-adopt program we definitely decided on international adoption. It is the most certain and permanent way to adopt. I got on the internet and found FTIA right away. I was excited because it was in Indiana and that's fairly close to us. It seemed right. FTIA sent us the international adoption guide right away. After viewing the information I cried. It seemed impossible! How are we going to do all that! I was disbelieving. My husband reassured me that we would get through it one step at a time. And so we did. We found a thorough home study agency, which made sure we understood the issues of adoption and being an international family. For anyone considering international adoption I suggest finding a home study agency experienced in this area. Ours is still very supportive to us whenever we need them.
We decided on a China adoption for several reasons, mainly because we wanted a daughter and China has a lot of daughters who need families. What we did not want to do was wait another 14 months for a referral. We were both 42 years old at the time. Waiting another year wasn't in our minds at all. We saw a special needs adoption as a way to bring our little one home sooner. I like how FTIA put it in their paperwork, "minor correctable defects". After, all nobody's perfect. Birth children have problems too. Our sons have allergies, asthma, and eczema, among other things. We've been to the hospital for PE tubes (in the ear), tonsillectomy, allergic reactions, and asthma attacks. That's just part of parenting. We informed FTIA that we wanted to consider the Waiting Children and they sent us a checklist of special needs conditions that we might accept. Our home study insisted on us consulting a pediatrician about these health issues before we agreed to consider a child with any of them. We did that and it clinched our decision to include cleft lip/cleft palate on our acceptable list.
It took us 6 months to do the CIS and dossier paperwork and in February 2002 our dossier went to China! That in itself is an accomplishment to be proud of. Just 3 months later our FTIA coordinator called to tell us about some children already available. We waited anxiously for Megan to send us the photo and medical report of Ling Song, a 14-month-old girl with cleft lip and palate. On the photos we got, her lip was split wide open but her spirit shined through in those beautiful eyes! After having her medical information viewed by the International Adoption Clinic at Cincinnati Childrens Hospital we let Megan know that we really wanted to adopt her. She was the one for us. They say not to fall in love with the referral photo but I did anyway. We hoped for a speedy approval from China so we could go and get her. She was already over a year old. FTIA really worked hard and fast for Ling Song and us. I read a book Toddler Adoption by Mary Hopkins-Best while waiting.
In the meantime we shared our happy news with everyone we knew! To our surprise the reaction was not always positive. Someone told me that I should reconsider; "a girl with a facial deformity would not be able to find a mate." And my co-workers from China were upset. One person told me that my family would be happier with a "pretty baby". We learned that when considering special needs adoption you have to listen to your heart and make your decision together as a couple. Ignoring negativity is essential.
Megan e-mailed a photo of Ling Song after surgery for lip repair and I cried. I just couldn't believe that beautiful little girl would be my daughter! Soon after, FTIA called with our final approval and travel information. They were so thorough and easy to work with. I went to China with Clyde's sister Kathy. It was an experience we will never forget. I was so impressed with the efficient manner that the FTIA employees and guides processed our adoption both with the Chinese Government and the U.S. Consulate. I would be afraid to attempt an adoption with another agency.
Our daughter is home now recovering from her cleft palate repair surgery. Though it isn't easy to see your child hurting, you know you can get through it together. In the future the pain will be forgotten. Maria Teresa Ling Song Carter isn't "special needs", she's just extremely special! Our family loves her so much we think we are dreaming. I'm so amazed; I ask myself how can a small child in some remote, rural place in China end up in our home and feel so perfectly OURS!? And then, I tell God, "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!"
Marty said it best the day after Maria was home. With tears welling up in his eyes he looked up at me and said, "Ah Mom I just love her."
